tauke
- shiela
- DOB 5/6/92. an investment analysis student in UITM Dungun Terengganu. i hate catching up,things are moving too fast nowdays.i'd prefer to live in my own constant world:)
6.1.12
im starting to become like you
aku dah mula nak ambil risiko. and aku dah mula hilang perasaan yang aku asyik sibuk nak simpan sampai bila bila tu. aku agak kecewalah jugak dengan diri aku. im supposed to be the one that still standing this ex relationship. tapi ini, aku dah melalut tah ke mana tah. but good for me lah kan? daripada aku sedih tiap tiap hari. sekarang ni maybe agak tak keruan mencari but aku boleh rasa maybe tak lama lagi after this ada lah tu datang :) but kenapa lah orang lain senang dapat someone yang dia suka, aku punye lah susah nak dapat. haha dah jumpa beberapa orang tapi i dont know yet lah. tak stabil lagi :p
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4.1.12
baru berani
aku dah lama tak buat entry baru kan? kan? haha its because for the past weeks or should i say month, i HAVE to go trough a horrible reckless phase. kejam sangat untuk yang memaksa aku harung pengalaman macam tu. aku jatuh teruk sampai macam macam kerja gila aku buat.sampai ke tahap aku takut nak buka folder dalam lappy aku, aku takut nak tengok news feed kat fb aku, aku jadi takut sangat sangat. macam macam cara aku cuba. pelbagai jenis orang yang aku kenal. my life was a MESS ! pelajaran aku tah sepah ke mana tah. makan minum aku dah macam haram jadah dah. tidur aku tak teratur langsung. sampai ke tahap berat aku dari 52kg turun ke 44kg. and doktor had to give me these pills untuk selera,tidur and tenang. i was like WTF? am i that messed up? aku sikit lagi nak extend studies aku kat terengganu ni because of this but aku still sayang classmates aku lagi :) so aku tak nak tinggalkan mereka. they are the best :)
anyway, yesterday for the first time, aku dapat merasa balik keseronokkan keluar berdating ni. haha. yes. aku bukan jenis yang senang senang je boleh feeling feeling just because a boy took me out for lunch okay. aku ni jenis, "it has to be the right person jugak untuk feeling tu ada". Engku helped a little. even though that hes leaving Dungun for a while, but its kinnda nice that he havent forgotten bout me. and still sweet as always, he surprised me tiba tiba muncul di depan pintu. haha. frankly speaking, dia memang sweet from the beginning pun. and last night i went out with this one cute guy :) gosh terasa macam takda pengalaman being single langsung. kami lepak sampai 4am. and thanks God that boy boleh masuk kepala dengan aku :)
but still... not to mention, malam tadi aku still terfikir and teringat kat dia kat sana tu. aku risau sangat pasal dia. malam tadi aku tertinggal phone kat rumah because gopoh sangat keluar rumah,that boy tiba tiba sampai nak pick me up kan. so sampai pukul 4am aku teringat kat phone aku. aku asyik terfikir if dia ada contact aku tak? dia ada call tak? text? what is he doing right now? aku cuba cover everything by laughing dengan orang lain. aku tahu lah that i cant keep this up forever. satu hari nanti if bukan dia datang cari aku, aku yang akan datang cari dia. God! aku harap we wont try to find each other back ! i cant face that feeling anymore. kuat sangat. well, aku kena focus kat benda lain. wish me luck readers ! :)
please do leave your comment and dont forget to like this blog.hehe
anyway, yesterday for the first time, aku dapat merasa balik keseronokkan keluar berdating ni. haha. yes. aku bukan jenis yang senang senang je boleh feeling feeling just because a boy took me out for lunch okay. aku ni jenis, "it has to be the right person jugak untuk feeling tu ada". Engku helped a little. even though that hes leaving Dungun for a while, but its kinnda nice that he havent forgotten bout me. and still sweet as always, he surprised me tiba tiba muncul di depan pintu. haha. frankly speaking, dia memang sweet from the beginning pun. and last night i went out with this one cute guy :) gosh terasa macam takda pengalaman being single langsung. kami lepak sampai 4am. and thanks God that boy boleh masuk kepala dengan aku :)
but still... not to mention, malam tadi aku still terfikir and teringat kat dia kat sana tu. aku risau sangat pasal dia. malam tadi aku tertinggal phone kat rumah because gopoh sangat keluar rumah,that boy tiba tiba sampai nak pick me up kan. so sampai pukul 4am aku teringat kat phone aku. aku asyik terfikir if dia ada contact aku tak? dia ada call tak? text? what is he doing right now? aku cuba cover everything by laughing dengan orang lain. aku tahu lah that i cant keep this up forever. satu hari nanti if bukan dia datang cari aku, aku yang akan datang cari dia. God! aku harap we wont try to find each other back ! i cant face that feeling anymore. kuat sangat. well, aku kena focus kat benda lain. wish me luck readers ! :)
15.12.11
kau suka lah?
banyak sangat yang dah jadi kebelakangan ni. serabut aku. well, hari tu i just lost the love of my life. that sucks. Lord knows how much i love him & miss him right now. even though things nampak macam dah tak ada hope dah but i still nak buat something for him. just pray lah it can lembutkan hati dia balik and if doesnt then at least it is the last sweet thing yang aku boleh buat untuk dia. this maybe sounds pathetic but i know, i just know that he's missing me right now. and i know that deep down in his heart, he still loves me. but keadaan dah teruk sangat dah for us. if we'd get back together pun, things maybe jadi lebih kecoh dari yang sebelum ni.
anyway, if things couldnt work out or get better walau sikit pun, then i have go trough some hypnosis therapy called time line. they say that therapy tu boleh erase any negative or positive feelings towards any bad memories. yes, if i cant feel happy with him ever again then i'd rather feel nothing at all. aku tak sanggup nak tengok semua benda and instantly reminds me of him. and it hurts. just because of these negative feelings, aku jadi kejap okay kejap tak okay. and aku siap nak extend diploma aku. itu pun nasib baik classmate aku try bagi aku semangat. and just in time lah before aku sempat hantar surat kat HEA aku terfikir that how much i love these guys.so rase sayang lah nanti aku dah tak same class dengan mereka tu.haha.
seriously aku takut sangat nak pergi therapy tu. aku takut aku menyesal bila aku dah tak rase ape ape towards him. what we had was sangat sangat wonderful and special. kalau boleh aku tak nak lupe how it feels like but in the same time hati kecil aku ni dah tak tahan dah dengan ujian ni. aku tak nak rase sakit hati each time teringat that there are chances he could be falling in love someone else right now. aku boleh commit suicide dengan stress yang macam ni.
and thank God my parent support and try to comfort me. instead of marah marah, they understands me,my situation. they tried to help me. tried to make me better. they kept reminding me that they love me. aku sangat tersentuh by that. its not about faez that made me cry each time im on the phone with my mom but aku terharu je that dia try untuk tolong. yelah,selalunye parent tengok hal macam tak lah besar sangat and they wont understand and last last dia biarkan je. but not my mom. maybe she knows that i love faez too much. i cant live without him. but my mom proved to me that family always stays not boys. it makes me wanna cry :')
please do leave your comment and dont forget to like this blog.hehe
anyway, if things couldnt work out or get better walau sikit pun, then i have go trough some hypnosis therapy called time line. they say that therapy tu boleh erase any negative or positive feelings towards any bad memories. yes, if i cant feel happy with him ever again then i'd rather feel nothing at all. aku tak sanggup nak tengok semua benda and instantly reminds me of him. and it hurts. just because of these negative feelings, aku jadi kejap okay kejap tak okay. and aku siap nak extend diploma aku. itu pun nasib baik classmate aku try bagi aku semangat. and just in time lah before aku sempat hantar surat kat HEA aku terfikir that how much i love these guys.so rase sayang lah nanti aku dah tak same class dengan mereka tu.haha.
seriously aku takut sangat nak pergi therapy tu. aku takut aku menyesal bila aku dah tak rase ape ape towards him. what we had was sangat sangat wonderful and special. kalau boleh aku tak nak lupe how it feels like but in the same time hati kecil aku ni dah tak tahan dah dengan ujian ni. aku tak nak rase sakit hati each time teringat that there are chances he could be falling in love someone else right now. aku boleh commit suicide dengan stress yang macam ni.
and thank God my parent support and try to comfort me. instead of marah marah, they understands me,my situation. they tried to help me. tried to make me better. they kept reminding me that they love me. aku sangat tersentuh by that. its not about faez that made me cry each time im on the phone with my mom but aku terharu je that dia try untuk tolong. yelah,selalunye parent tengok hal macam tak lah besar sangat and they wont understand and last last dia biarkan je. but not my mom. maybe she knows that i love faez too much. i cant live without him. but my mom proved to me that family always stays not boys. it makes me wanna cry :')
11.12.11
it all ends here
tak akan ada nama kau lagi dalam hidup aku. terima kasih. jangan di tanyakan lagi.
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30.11.11
rasa macam melawan takdir
dah beberape hari berlalu sejak hari turning point tu. syukur pada Tuhan cause hati aku makin pulih dan tenang hari ni. aku dah boleh relax sikit. aku boleh berfikir sikit. tapi aku rase macam ada lagi yang bakal berlaku dalam mase terdekat ni. aku dah mula rase that Allah murka dengan kami. maybe thats why semua ni terjadi. maybe because kami dah melupakan Dia :( or maybe Dia nak tunjuk yang si dia tu hanya satu fasa semata mata dalam hidup aku yang masih panjang atau pun Dia nak menguji kami ataupun Dia nak kuatkan lagi hubungan kami.
ntah lah, aku tak tahu yang mane yang betul. yang penting,whatever happens next is probably the best for me. Allah knows whats best for His people. walaupun aku serahkan semuanya pada Allah, tapi tak di nafikan that aku try jugak untuk make sure things jadi seperti yang aku harapkan. dengan itu, aku rase macam aku melawan takdir. but we all know kan, if Allah dah tetapkan macam tu then macam tu jugak jadinya. theres no stoping His plans for us.
aku still akan try usaha untuk kekalkan relationship ni in the same time, aku preparekan diri aku for the worst. hanye Allah shj yang boleh tolong aku sekarang. hanya Dia boleh buat aku tersenyum macam dulu balik.:)
please do leave your comment and dont forget to like this blog.hehe
ntah lah, aku tak tahu yang mane yang betul. yang penting,whatever happens next is probably the best for me. Allah knows whats best for His people. walaupun aku serahkan semuanya pada Allah, tapi tak di nafikan that aku try jugak untuk make sure things jadi seperti yang aku harapkan. dengan itu, aku rase macam aku melawan takdir. but we all know kan, if Allah dah tetapkan macam tu then macam tu jugak jadinya. theres no stoping His plans for us.
aku still akan try usaha untuk kekalkan relationship ni in the same time, aku preparekan diri aku for the worst. hanye Allah shj yang boleh tolong aku sekarang. hanya Dia boleh buat aku tersenyum macam dulu balik.:)
the F*ck?
SEKALI LAGI ORANG IPOH PERAK TIDAK BERPUTUS ASA MEMBUKA PAGE INI. TAK ADA ENTRY BEST YANG BARU PUN LAH SAYANG OI
please do leave your comment and dont forget to like this blog.hehe
28.11.11
ipoh perak
SAPELAH DARI IPOH PERAK YANG ASYIK STALKING NI EH? HAHA GO GET A LIFE BITCH!
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